Slow

I could not agree more with the person who said "Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away." This ever so brilliant mans name was Eddie Vedder. I listened to Pearl Jam when I was younger because of the way this man could describe the heat of the moment in very few words. This particular line stuck with me over the years, as I've watched relationships come and go.
I guess you could say that our I agree with this notion of loves lost and fleeting thoughts, although I have convinced my wife that she loves me, I will say she is very committed to Us.
as for others I can count on one hand the amount of people who have been stable relationships in my life. Unfortunately only one of these people exists outside of my immediate family. I blame our culture mostly for promoting selfishness. You ask "what do you mean Dr. Gruver?" and I will answer you. "What kind of person are you that you would call me Dr." At any rate, with media constantly telling us that we are our own boss and that we need to satisfy our need to complete ourselves, we forget about others. This is a truth found in the old saying "you'll die old and alone." Why would any one want that? This phrase is talking to people who will not stop and have a nice cup of joe with a friend, or doesn't have time to just even really be alone. You see one thing I have found is that when you spend time alone in silence, trying to steady your brain, you will realize how much you miss all the things that made you happy.
C.S. Lewis said it best in the thirteenth chapter of the Screwtape Letters; in this this chapter Wormwood is upset at his pupil for letting his subject enjoy a cup of tea alone and walk through a field down by the river. Mr. Lewis made the case that the devil dose not want to indulge in self pleasure for it will remind us of who we truly are. Wormwood goes on to say, something to the effect of "don't you understand that even if life's pleasures do not remind him of the enemy, they will remind him of who he truly is, and I do not trust that at all." What we find C.S. saying is that even if we are not thinking of God, we are in fact enjoying the goodness of God in any thing that reminds us of who we truly are.
With all that said taking time to be alone and enjoy life's goodness, however learning to share life's goodness with others only makes us even more full of the joy of the Lord.

Dark and Deep or was it Deep and Dark?

So, what if I were to just not do anything about it? Would that be the same as me doing something? I couldn't expect much of an answer from anyone. To be honest I can't answer that without confusing myself.

I think I my have been confused from the beginning. This is my first, of many theory's, I have about myself. I was born into a rather shallow thinking family, not that my family is dumb, just shallow. I believe that I have always been a very deep person, my school, however thought I was just slow and far behind. That was simply not the truth, the truth was that my mind was always so far in front my rather bulky shell it could barley keep up. So if the truth be told I have never been behind, but, rather ahead of myself.

Try to read with an open mind,if you can. When you see me reading and it takes me an eternity to get through a paragraph, please know that this is an intentional reading speed. Often, while I am reading, I will read the same sentence or phrase over and over, so that I can get the picture that the writer wants me to see. I think of the different places were we could be going and decide which one works best with the main idea of the author. This allows me to go down paths that the writer may not have intended, however, more times than not I'm thinking way to hard and I miss the point of the entire body of words .

I see things other people may not see, I hear things other may not hear. This is why I am called a creative. I have never considered myself a creative, until I met several people that just could not see what I was thinking. I can latch onto things with my ears an hear every part played.

This all goes back to my family, remember I said they were a little sallow. My Mother and Father were extremely creative, but they were broken by their parents. This is why they proceeded to brake their children, you see its not my parents but an ideal that carries down generation to generation. So, my parents, and their parents, and their parents, were all creatives just had other ideals pounded into them. Every generation, had things to do other than let their mind run free. I believe that they were doing what was best for me, however my creativeness has over come all those generations of programing. And now my brain is overwhelmed with thoughts of fictitious characters ant grandiose adventures.

I am free!

I am free!

Beware for the beasts that lurk in the dark corners of my brains are about to be let loose.

I look forward to touching on this again but I really must go back to work.

English Major

I asked a friend who knows me very well not to long ago what he thinks I should go to school for. Well he just answered "Just finish." And with that I ponderd what he ment, after his breif defanition, of corse. I came to the conclusion that I should puresue music, as I sarted playing music when I was younger. Yesterday I went to Dallas and took a tour of Media Tech Ins. If you don't know they teach recording arts at this "school". It was really fun and I had a great time seeing all the great things that only lots of money could buy. As I returnd to East Texas I thought this is what I should, even though I felt like I understood most of the stuff the guys were talking about at the tour. Well I return to work today to tell my friend of the great time my wife and I had last night at Media Tech. This is the wierd part, my friend tells me to stick to my origanale plan of becoming an English major. I respect this man opinion so much that I find myself at peace with what he says. I realy would love to do eather -or and it just means alot that he gave me a straight answer. God also played a big part in the process. My wife asked me if I had prayed about it, well my answer was a very quick "No" because those times are far and few between. And as she fell asleep on the drive home I relized that God told me to write in the first place. So...... English major here I come.

You're Room

I walked into your room I felt as though the world could see right through me, this no doubt meant you were definitely here. My usual spot was waiting for me, so I slowly drifted across the newly carpeted floor. I remand unnoticed as usual and continued to wait for the time we could embrace one another. Then a well dressed group of people that occupied the front part of your room (designated by the platform you had built there) began to play the most beautiful song I have ever heard. The person that was the most well dressed at the very front part of the platform began to prompted people to sing to in a certain way to you. This was most comical to me as the rest fowled after the foremost beautifully and extravagant leader. We all sang to you, some cried out for you to come into your room, as though you were waiting for permission just outside the front door, I couldn’t help but notice all the beautiful lights you had put in this room of yours. Although I do remember that you were here when I had come in, so I have to ask where did you go?

As I stood like everyone else and watched the internment you had for all of us who had come to your room to find you, I did notice that you were not here with us and wondered where you had gone. Maybe you just had to step out and get some fresh air and the songs, they were rather loud, but what do expect they obviously had worked very hard and wanted everyone to hear the great songs they had written for you. I kept expecting you back any moment, I would hope that you wouldn’t miss the great show they had work so hard on for you. Their leader urges everyone to sing again, this is getting redundant, they continue to prod and command the others to clap and to sing to you as if they weren’t already doing so. I just assume that that is part of the show. This goes on for about thirty minutes or so. Still all the while I was wondering where you went, I’m quite sure you would have enjoyed the performance.

Now the lights begin to get brighter and another person walks up on the platform (it’s really getting rather full up there now I wonder how many people will fit) this man in a very nice suit and a great head of hair he takes the spot at the front where the other leader was standing on the platform in your room (which I still don’t understand). Then he started commanding people just like the last leader to greet one another and to give love to each other. The crowd begins to murmur as they shake hands and hug. Then abruptly but in a pleasant manner the man ask everyone to return to their places, people had scattered throughout your room by this time. Just as they had been doing with the leaders before, they submitted to the man that stood on the platform above them and began making their way back to their original positions. I now am beginning to wonder if you got lost or just left without telling me it was time to depart. Never the less I sat down with the rest, still unnoticed by all the others who had come to see you today. At once the man began to talk about all the great and wonderful things that they had made for you and how they could all be purchased in front part of your room. So at this point I assumed you were out in the other front part of your room looking and buying all the great and wonderful things that the group of people had made for you. That to I found very amusing as well, for you taught us all how to make these things and I would have at least given it back to you for no charge. I sat and waited for you to show up, and I pictured you walking in with your arms full of these great gifts you bought.

After the man was done with his great spill, all the people walked off the platform to make way for yet another man, this man began speaking about all the great things you have done and how all of us could be just like you, if we did what he told us to do. I was astounded by the gentle nature of the man’s voice as he began to criticize the way we were living and telling us how he would do it if were us. This was a nice counseling session even though I thought he was going to teach us how to be more like you. I wanted to talk to you about gorgeous speakers obvious miss lead beliefs about you, but you were still gone, I suppose I could catch up with you after this man is done speaking. At the end of his speech about what he thought about you he asked every one if they wanted to know you more and to come down in front of him. People began to make their way to him and he asked some other men to come down also. The other men lined the front of the platform like guards, at this point I thought to myself that it was just like you to swoop in and save the day right at the last moment, but you still did not show. The man on the platform began to talk to you, and then began shouting that you were going to help all these people get clean, still you never showed. As the people were shouting and singing to you I picked up my things and left your room, I slowly walked across the new carpet next to the freshly painted walls, and yes I was unnoticed once again. As I left I stopped and looked at all the great things these men had made for you, and I knew that even if I had money in my pockets I would never buy these things. As awesome as all these things were, they were not made for you and this is not your room.

caster

The audience set captivated by the ongoing uttering’s of the great visionary. The vision caster had come from a land that no one had ever heard of and that could have only existed in a parallel universe. A place where men were free and able to think for themselves, this could have never been a real place. The man grew louder and more enthusiastic as more came to hear of the great land that waited for them beyond their present place of dwelling. As he grew louder, the beautiful words began to trickle from his mouth as diamonds being spilled into the hands of a beggar. The only thing that could be more beautiful than the man’s words was the revelation that continuously spilled over the empty hearts, which seemed to cry out for more of these ideals of freedom.

A woman near the back of the gathered people began to weep and cry out “Take me to this place of freedom for I will never be able to enter this place on my own.” Before her knees could hit the ground she was caught by a man who could only be described as a generous traveler passing through. Holding her up and bringing her to the front of the crowd, which was now numbering one hundred, he sat her before the feet of the speaker of freedom. When the man observed the woman he asked her “Why do you weep for freedom, is it not free for the taking.” The woman looked up as the glorious man reached down for the woman’s hand. “Stand and know that freedom is yours, for it can only be yours if you believe in freedom.” The crowd began to murmur as some gasped at the words the man spoke to the woman whose tears of despair began to stain her face.

As the woman turned from the man he leaned over and whispered in her ear “Believe.” Now knowing that freedom was rightfully hers for the taking the woman steps back into the crowd. As her front foot hit the ground the warm rush of absolute joy overtook her entire body. Now trembling with her hands raised to the sky the tears that once stained the woman’s face were now tears of joy. She turned back to the man and fell to her knees, kissing his feet and thanking him for freedom. This wondrous man who brought freedom to this woman squatted before her and placing his hand on the back of her head, as he looked in her eyes he said “Do not be grateful for me, for I am only a mere messenger for the one who liberates all.”

I just wanted to try this again, remember you can now find me at martygruver.tumblr.com at least I think that is how you can find me. You should try anyway.

New Blog

Tonight I'am starting a new post. I will actually start posting content on Monday May 3. This new blog is a short story I hope to have in print, so please fill free to leave comments. Also if you have any advice for exploiting my blog let me know. Thank you very much.

Francis Chan

Dear Francis,

I wish there was something I could say that would convince you to stay on as pastor of your church. You have been a real inspiration to me, I know that I'am probably one of the millions of people whose life has been changed by you, non of the less God changed me through you and that has bee 9 years in the making. I guess I just want to say thank you for being such a great servant of God almighty and that I hope I will see you continually changing the world for God our father.

Peace be with you in your journey,

Marty Gruver, Kilgore Texas

Light

Why am I so attracted to things that make me feel so bad? For instance I love buffets and since they are all you can eat I will eat all that I can and physical feel tareable. Or we could take music, I love blues and Emo music both are very depressing, even when I listen to symphonic type music I like the more Gothic dark sounding stuff. Movies well anything that Tim Burton dose is pretty awesome, and zombie flicks or any other type of monster movies, plus I love M. Night stuff. Not that M. Night makes me feel bad. At any rate I haven't listen to any Emo music lately and I realized that my out look on life has been allot more positive. I've always said what goes in comes out, and I guess God is just really reaffirming that in my life. The question still remains why am I so attracted to darker things? Just as well maybe it was meant to be, that I am just a darker person sometimes, but I will not let this define me. Weather I act or say the right things all the time I will for ever be a child of light.

He will deliver his soul from going into the pit, and his life shall see the light.

Job 33:28 KJV

Ok again, well seems that with my phone I can not send picture messages to my blog. You may be asking you're self "Why would he want to do such a thing?" Well the thing is that if I could send a picture message I could send more info and that means my blogs could be much longer than 140 characters. Oh well, it will do for short deep thoughts, and if need be I will have to use my laptop to edit and continue my thought.

The Back Yard

It was unfortunate that I was awaken so abruptly, just before the sun broke the horizon. The terrified screech of a tormented cat was the alarm that brought me out of my deep slumber. I set up in my bed, and as the blanket exposed my chest to the cool night air, I heard a crashing sound that came from the tool shed in the back yard of my house. This alarmed me even more, my heart began to pound as though it was trying to escape my chest. I struggled to find the flashlight that I kept near the edge of my bed. My hand found the handle of the cold aluminum flashlight, I began shaking it hoping to some how I could activate the seasoned batteries that had laid dormant for so long.

My ears then caught the sound of slowly growing foot steps that quickly past my window. As I was still a bit bewildered from being snatched out of my sweet dreams, I jumped to my feet and grab my rob from the hook on my bedroom door. I quickly stumbled down the hallway, with my focus set on what I may find in my backyard, I suddenly found the dog gate that was posted at the entrance to the hallway. I fell head long over the top of the gate, my head connected with the corner of the dinning room table. I picked myself up off the floor and found the flashlight that had slid across the kitchen tile. I continued to the back door. Reaching out and turning the door knob,"locked" I murmured. I slung the door open, if some one were out there I would want to surprise theme with my stealth. Throwing up my dimming flash light toward the shed I saw no movement. As I took the first step down the stairs that led into my backyard I saw a paisty white alian step from the shed. My heart was now racing, as I opened my mouth to speak I was suddenly awaken from a dream that was so real I could still smell the pine trees that lined my back yard.

Off To A Good Start.

This is my first blog ever, and I have to say, it has been a great experience thus far. Just to let you guys in on what to expect form this blog, this my not be a life changing experience for you but it may certainty waste some time. Never the less I will defiantly spew my beliefs another obscenities out on the pages before you. So congrats if you decide to read these blogs and if not I appreciate you getting this far.