Slow

I could not agree more with the person who said "Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away." This ever so brilliant mans name was Eddie Vedder. I listened to Pearl Jam when I was younger because of the way this man could describe the heat of the moment in very few words. This particular line stuck with me over the years, as I've watched relationships come and go.
I guess you could say that our I agree with this notion of loves lost and fleeting thoughts, although I have convinced my wife that she loves me, I will say she is very committed to Us.
as for others I can count on one hand the amount of people who have been stable relationships in my life. Unfortunately only one of these people exists outside of my immediate family. I blame our culture mostly for promoting selfishness. You ask "what do you mean Dr. Gruver?" and I will answer you. "What kind of person are you that you would call me Dr." At any rate, with media constantly telling us that we are our own boss and that we need to satisfy our need to complete ourselves, we forget about others. This is a truth found in the old saying "you'll die old and alone." Why would any one want that? This phrase is talking to people who will not stop and have a nice cup of joe with a friend, or doesn't have time to just even really be alone. You see one thing I have found is that when you spend time alone in silence, trying to steady your brain, you will realize how much you miss all the things that made you happy.
C.S. Lewis said it best in the thirteenth chapter of the Screwtape Letters; in this this chapter Wormwood is upset at his pupil for letting his subject enjoy a cup of tea alone and walk through a field down by the river. Mr. Lewis made the case that the devil dose not want to indulge in self pleasure for it will remind us of who we truly are. Wormwood goes on to say, something to the effect of "don't you understand that even if life's pleasures do not remind him of the enemy, they will remind him of who he truly is, and I do not trust that at all." What we find C.S. saying is that even if we are not thinking of God, we are in fact enjoying the goodness of God in any thing that reminds us of who we truly are.
With all that said taking time to be alone and enjoy life's goodness, however learning to share life's goodness with others only makes us even more full of the joy of the Lord.

Dark and Deep or was it Deep and Dark?

So, what if I were to just not do anything about it? Would that be the same as me doing something? I couldn't expect much of an answer from anyone. To be honest I can't answer that without confusing myself.

I think I my have been confused from the beginning. This is my first, of many theory's, I have about myself. I was born into a rather shallow thinking family, not that my family is dumb, just shallow. I believe that I have always been a very deep person, my school, however thought I was just slow and far behind. That was simply not the truth, the truth was that my mind was always so far in front my rather bulky shell it could barley keep up. So if the truth be told I have never been behind, but, rather ahead of myself.

Try to read with an open mind,if you can. When you see me reading and it takes me an eternity to get through a paragraph, please know that this is an intentional reading speed. Often, while I am reading, I will read the same sentence or phrase over and over, so that I can get the picture that the writer wants me to see. I think of the different places were we could be going and decide which one works best with the main idea of the author. This allows me to go down paths that the writer may not have intended, however, more times than not I'm thinking way to hard and I miss the point of the entire body of words .

I see things other people may not see, I hear things other may not hear. This is why I am called a creative. I have never considered myself a creative, until I met several people that just could not see what I was thinking. I can latch onto things with my ears an hear every part played.

This all goes back to my family, remember I said they were a little sallow. My Mother and Father were extremely creative, but they were broken by their parents. This is why they proceeded to brake their children, you see its not my parents but an ideal that carries down generation to generation. So, my parents, and their parents, and their parents, were all creatives just had other ideals pounded into them. Every generation, had things to do other than let their mind run free. I believe that they were doing what was best for me, however my creativeness has over come all those generations of programing. And now my brain is overwhelmed with thoughts of fictitious characters ant grandiose adventures.

I am free!

I am free!

Beware for the beasts that lurk in the dark corners of my brains are about to be let loose.

I look forward to touching on this again but I really must go back to work.